Underworld: Evolution (2006)
I just want to get this out of the way: Kaja Gjesdal, Tanis’ one of the female vampire escorts, got some righteous boobie. and Kate Beckinsale’s underboobies and amazing body makes for an amazing movie all in itself. These two amazing features, upgrades Underworld: Evolution from an above average hack/slash/shoot and gore-ified, to a must-see tour de force (not really… go see Good Night, and Good Luck).
In this sequel, Selene and Michael continue exactly where they left off at the end of the first Underworld. (Mmm, is it continues or continue, I can’t ever get the grammar right. Ah, not like it really matters…. right?) They are somehow in Russia now, … or were they always in Russia? I can’t remember. I thought it was some kinda fantasy land. Poopie. Anyway, they’re running into a safehouse in Russia, where Selene says they must find help to fight off Kraven. Erm, maybe this is not a good way to start introducing this film. Okay, let’s see…
In the beginning, before there were vampires and werewolves ~ two twin sons of Alexander Corvinus were each bitten by a different animal: Marcus by bat, William by wolf. William turns into this uncontrollable werewolve who goes around in rampage, turning everyone into raving wolfie, while Marcus turns into a civilized vampire. Since William is so uncontrollable, the vampire squad captures and locks William up for all of eternity. Why? Because the screenwriters said so.
… I don’t really care to write more about this film. Click on More = Spoilers.
Just watch the film for the action and boobie - forget about the story.
Here’s where the story fell through, I’m gonna spoil the story, so don’t read further if you don’t wanna. At the time of William’s capture, Victor had “intended” to kill William. However, he didn’t because he wants the werewolves to be vampire slaves. However, at that time, William’s werewolves could not be controlled - so how did Victor figure they’d make em their slaves? Oh, no, it’s because Marcus said, “don’t kill my bro!” But, that hardly mattered, because they sealed up Marcus too! So why didn’t they kill off William? Because it’s a weak story.
Not just that, every side character that Marcus met, he would bit and grab the true information ~ why would he leave Selene be and instead get shot at, rammed at, punched at, and not kill her? To continue in this line of thought, why could Selene move at the speed of light in one scene (against the soldiers), then hafta walk around all normal like when fighting Marcus/William? I just don’t get it - she is supposed to be powerful ~ faster than human eye can see - yet, they all move, oh so slowly. Elements of implausibilty introduced - let’s just look at Kate’s sexy body instead. Whatever… it’s not gonna win any awards ~ it’d make money, due to Kate and Kaja boobie powa.